My Angel From Elizabeth Diane Mashburn

Matthew Ryan Crawford arrived in Eugene Oregon, and into my life, in the summer of 2000. I went to pick him up at the Greyhound bus station which had delivered him from Salt Lake Utah. At the time I had no idea what he would look like since I had only talked with him on the phone at that point. We had developed a great friendship over the line and he had decided to move to Eugene to be near me. I myself, having only been in Oregon for 6 weeks, was excited to have a new acquaintance. Little did I know then, that on that day I met not only the man who was to become my best friend, but my angel as well. When Matt stepped off the bus with basket ball in hand, there was doubt of who he was.

I was blessed to have Matty in my life for 6 years. I believe there is a reason for almost everything, and Matthew came into my world to save me. I was depressed, lonely, and weighing in at 380lbs. At that point in my life I was pretty desperate to find a way out. Matthew helped me change that. He is the one who encouraged me to have the weight loss surgery. He held my hand at support meetings while I cried and went to every doctor’s appointment I had. Mathew was right there when I found out I had finally been approved by the insurance company and we both hugged and wept in joy together. The day of the surgery Matt was right there holding my hand at 6am while they prepped me for my five hour operation. We were both crying and telling each other how much we loved each other as they wheeled me into the operating room. I woke up a several hours later to see Matthew right there sitting by my bed with a giant stuffed orangutan. Even through my pain, Matthew could make me laugh. The next 18 months were very exciting, however, also very difficult. I was losing weight fast and having to over come an addiction to my over eating. Matthew got the blunt end of my anger many times. But he always smiled and told me everything would be ok. He understood and had patience with all of it. I lost a total of 224 lbs and I found my self.

To this day I know I owe much of my happiness to Matty. If it had not been for him and his support, I most likely would not have followed through with the surgery. That is why Matthew is and always will be my Angel.

I have so many other stories of Matthew that I could write about. Stories that would make you laugh out loud and others that would make you weep. But to write all of my memories down would take me years. I have them all in my head and hold them dear to my heart. Yes, I do believe everything happens for a reason. And Matthew Ryan Crawford was my reason.

Where ever you are tonight Matty, “Love you, Miss you Homefries!”

All my love Elizabeth Diane

Dear Matt From Jennie

Dear Matt,

What I would do to see you right now. I’d love to talk to you and try and get deep into your soul and understand more about you. I don’t feel like I was able to spend time with you the last few years of your life with us. I wish everyday and I could make up for that but I hold on to the things that I do know.

I know that you love people. I know that you are kind hearted and love to make people feel special. I know that you stick up for the ones that need a friend. I know that when I was growing up, you made me feel special and talented. You encouraged me and helped me find confidence in myself. You even helped me dress cooler! Now that’s something a good brother would do. I know that you cared for me and wanted me to make good decisions. I remember you were in tune with the things I was doing. One time you even started accusing me of being anorexic at the dinner table because I was not eating enough. It was so funny. I simply wasn’t hungry and you were going to make sure that was the real reason I wasn’t eating more. I know that you loved to have fun. I know that you loved your family and I really know that you loved to be funny and especially make people laugh. You loved to be different. You loved music just as much as I do. I remember you would take your radio into the shower daily to “rock out” to your music that was loud enough for the whole house to hear on any floor. You loved the outdoors and most recreational things you could do in it. You were simple to me. You were someone who didn’t need a lot to be happy. Someone who found fun in life anywhere.

I don’t know the reasons why you were taken so soon. But I do know that you are in a better place and your memory is close to my heart. I will hold onto it until I can see you again. I will take what I know about you and try and be better myself. I will honor your memory and your life by always trying to personally, spiritually and emotionally progress with each year that passes. One thing that you taught me is that life is something that we can’t take for granted. I will try to more honor my own life and those I love who are still with me right now.

You were always the one encouraging me to have a music career. I can’t say that I accomplished that task but I started taking guitar lessons and wrote a song for you that has helped me in many ways. I always thought that you would be the one to help take me further musically. What I didn’t realize was that even now, although you are beyond they veil, you have done that exact thing. When I wrote this song for you, I found hope, courage and confidence in myself and my abilities. My heart was aching and I found hope. In more ways than one.

I love you and I miss you. I’m excited to see you again and tell you about the happiness that I have found in my life because I know that you would be genuinely please to hear of it. You are extremely missed.

You’re Still Here

I can’t find the words, to say what my heart is feeling. I still hurt.

They say, that time will heal a heart. I keep on waiting for that to start.

I cry, every time I see, something that only you would find beautiful like me.

You left, way to soon and I, I do not understand but I will painfully try, I will try. I’ll painfully try.

When life, just seemed so hard to bare. You could always find a smile and peace anywhere.

Last night, I saw you in my dreams. Now I know that you are still watching over me, over me. You’re watching over me.

You’re still here, I hear you

You’re still here, I feel you

You’re still here; I know you’re still right here.

You loved to sleep under the stars. I look up and all I feel is that you’re not far.

The clouds, they circle in the sky. I feel you are close as the wind flowing by.

You are, the sunlight on my face. I feel your warmth everywhere, almost like your sweet embrace.

And then, when we shall meet again. I will smile and say the things that I should have said, should have said. When we meet again.

You’re still here, I hear you

You’re still here, I feel you

You’re still here; I know you’re still right here.

You’re still here, I hear you

You’re still here, I feel you

You’re still here; I know you’re still right here.

I, can’t find the words, to say what my heart is feeling, I don’t hurt.

Love, Your sister Jen