Well I was sitting in the waiting area at gymnastics when I read Jaynelle's post. Not good......in seconds I went from laughing and talking to those around me to trying to hide my tears and sniffles. Judging by the looks I got I wasn't too successful. Even right now I can't hold back the tears.
When I was reading the sweet email that Jaynelle wrote I was struck by her descriptions of Matt. Its the exactly the same Matt that I knew too. Growing up I always felt like Matt had my back. He's the reason I grew out my hair, wore sandals with no socks, wore baggie clothes and I could go on. I valued Matt's opinion because I knew that it can from a place of sincerity. We made promises to one another and shared stories. My friends that I have here in Iowa always call me hippie. I'm sure I got my hippie from Matt. I think we are so much alike. I'm probably more like him than I even realized. I don't think Matt liked feeling controlled, neither do I and I tend to rebel against it. Matt preferred to just go with the flow, as do I. Matt valued friendships as much as he values family and so do I. When Matt loves something, he loves it hard. And yes, me too. Matt often made decisions with his feelings and impulses....and that's something I have to control too.
I know without any hesitation that Matt has been near to me recently. There was an evening not that long ago that I was in the garage painting furniture. It had been a particularly hard week for me. I was sitting in the garage when all of a sudden I felt Matt's presence. Although I could not see Matt I felt him there. It was such a sure feeling I would never be able to deny it. He was watching over me like he had before many times. I honestly feel him doing well. Free of pain. I know he's happy where he is and cares about the people he loves even more than before when he was with us.
Today I miss him a lot. I know that he knows that. I know he's grateful for us just as we are so grateful to call him our brother, son, and friend. With love,
Jen
PS-Thanks for your post Jaynelle. It was so sweet.
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